hanging.

Hey world.

Today. Woke up around 11, watched dvd with Maira again, had breakfast, showered, took our time getting dressed. Had lunch, went to Tampines Mall, shop a bit, then bid goodbye to my babygirl cos she was going home already. Then met Rikh. Sat down nearby. I love him.

Reached home, Siti asked me out. Asked mum and dad but they didn't allow, yet again. I'm sorry to disappoint you babe, I really wish I can. It seems like I always can't. Whenever I really want something, I won't get it. If it's a half-hearted want, then I'd get it. I know that's just how it works, but fuck, that's unfair.

I want to be there for everyone of the people I love and care for. I want to be in any possible way I can, be it even in a small tiny act of love, concern, and to show them that I truly care, and I want to try and at least make things easier for them, even if I can't be much of a help, it's still something to help lighten the burden they carry. I wish I could take away all the hurt of everyone I love, so they won't have to bear with it alone. But it seems like I'm never capable of it. And yet it seems they're always there for me, they do everything they can, show me in every way that they are right behind me in everything I do and are constantly with me to pull me through thick and thin, be it happy times or bad. But I feel utterly useless when I can't seem to replay them at all, I can't even show up at meet ups sometimes, can't even make things better, can't even give proper advice, can't even be there to lend them a shoulder to cry on, or be there to give them a hug and tell them everything's gonna be alright. Why ? Why can't I ?

Iqah, Mairah, Siti, Rikh, Paul, Lenny, Fadhilah, Faatin, Mama, Papa, Nana, everyone that's always there for me to lean on and pull me back up when I fall, I want to do the same for all of you, I really wish I could. I hate feeling helpless seeing the one I love in pain and I can't even do anything about it.

I'm so sorry to disappoint.

Labels: sorry to disappoint ;