Hey world.

Sometimes, it's like I'm waving my arms frantically, desperately in front of everyone, but I'm oblivious. I try my best to divide myself proportionately for every loved one, so as to please. I try, there's never a time when I can be at rest if a significant someone is having problems, right ?
But what must I do if I'm doing all that's in my power, yet he or she doesn't even respond ? Is it then my fault ? My fault for not have done anything sooner ? Or my fault for not emphasizing the reason of my presence in his of her life ? Whatever happened to confiding ? I don't know.

I don't understand. I ask, I'm being pushed away. So then I'm supposed to just give up, sit back and watch you continue showing everyone around you how much life is unfair to you and how much you just can't take it anymore ? Is that what you really want me to do ? If you feel that that's much more workable for you, tell me. Forget about my feelings, at least you'd be a little happier.

Well I truly, truly, deeply apologise for not being the one you'd want to talk to. Even if it is your nature of bottling up, I really think you should let up that pretense. Cause it's eating you up inside, isn't it ? So far in life, at least I can say that I've learnt that there's a reason as to why family, friends, are present. They're there for you to lean on, for you to share the burden of problems, together. Although some might not understand fully, but what matters is that they are actually willing to want to be there to lend a hand, a shoulder, an ear.

But again, despite my countless trials of trying to get through to you, I feel like I'm the one failing.

I'm fighting for your happiness here, can't you see ? I hate it that there's nothing I can do to make you smile, nothing I can do to help cheer you up and convince you that there are still things worth living and breathing for. With every sigh you give, every tear you shed, every comment passed on how much things suck for you, it stabs my heart. Hard, and repeatedly. But I try. Time and time again, I just end up being pushed, further and further away.

I wonder if anything I say ever gets through to you. Well, I hope it does. Then at least, all my effort of typing each long text message, each long post, each and every speech I say to you, each tear that runs down my cheek for you, even now and the years back then, would pay off.

I love you, and I want to see you happy.
Please, let me through.