Lost.

Same as every birthday ; labels : alone again.

I hate you. I should have punched you in the face. I should have kicked you in the balls. I should have shouted your name. Ripped out your hair. Poke and gorge your eyeballs out. Stabbed you with my name tag or something.

But no. No reaction. My heart skipped a beat. Again. And you smirked. You freaking smirked. And then we just walk on. Separate ways. Like as if nothing happened between us. Like you don't know me. Like you've never held my hand. Like we've never embraced. Like I don't know the colour of your eyes. Like you don't know who I am.

I hate you, you, you, you, you, you, everyone of you. Let me live in bitterness. I know karma will come. But maybe you should have a taste of what the aftermath feels like.

Okay. Reality check.

I tried to forgive, but it's not enough.
To make it all okay.


I want to run away form it all. I need an escapehole.
But you disappeared. I hate you for that too.

And then things got too tough. And I backed out. I'm the world's biggest jerk.

And you. I just got really really tired of pleasing you, have I told you that ? Well yeah. I'm feeling down too. So how ? Ah fuck you.

And you. Nothing you say has any effect. Trust me. I can pull a face when you cry. Yeah, I'm an asshole. So how ? Ah fuck you too.

Fuck you ah maths. So difficult.

I'm sorry for slapping you. I don't know why I cannot control my anger.
I learnt it from many other people.

Yeah I'm a used punching bag.


And oh. Happy birthday to me.

Something's missing.

Labels: alone again.